


Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits

by Ineffabilitea



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-29
Updated: 2009-04-29
Packaged: 2017-10-09 00:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineffabilitea/pseuds/Ineffabilitea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even with genius on their side, they couldn't solve every mystery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [such_heights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/such_heights/gifts).



> Written as a Christmas gift for **such_heights**, who kindly typed it up for me and gave permission for posting. There was a time when I first started reading SGA fic that I contemplated writing a John/Rodney piece for each song on the Magnetic Fields' album 69 Love Songs. This is probably the only one that will ever get written.

Even with genius on their side, they couldn't solve every mystery. Sometimes the Ancient device was clearly functional, but they never quite figured out what it did; sometimes bizarre or dangerous or bizarrely dangerous things happened to personnel who hadn't done anything more provocative than walk down the hall.

As time passed, the inexplicable weirdness seemed to outnumber the explicable, so that seasoned Atlantis personnel were resigned to a shrug and a half-hearted laugh of 'What can you do?' when faced with oddities, big and small, of the non-dangerous variety.

This resigned attitude goes a long way towards explaining why no one, not even Rodney himself, ever bothered to connect Ancient device #U (for useless) 3578298 to the time Dr. McKay and Colonel Sheppard turned into bunny rabbits, among other things.

But if only they'd known something was to blame, John and Rodney could've blamed Dr. Radek Zelenka, for their part of it, at least. It was Zelenka who picked up U3578298 at the same time that his thoughts were occupied by idle and gossipy speculation on the nature of McKay and Sheppard's relationship.

So, you see, it was clearly Zelenka's fault that when the Marines sent out to locate Dr. McKay and the Colonel (upon their failure to check in while exploring some of the further reaches of the city) finally found them, they were going at it like, well, the bunny rabbits they now were.

Everyone assumed they must've touched something in the room where they were found (though when the transformation wore off a few days later and they regained the power of speech, they were pretty emphatic that they hadn't). Radek simply assumed that U3598298 was useless, assigned it that numeration, and placed it in the pile to be put in storage.

24 hours later, not only were McKay and Sheppard still rabbits but, much to the delight of base gossip, they were still doing it with impressive stamina. Keller was keeping them in a curtained off area of the infirmary; the curtain seemed to have a mysterious tendency to slide open.

24 hours later, U3578298 was still in the storage pile when Laura Cadman came to collect it. She was just slightly late for that task, having been ... distracted by Ronon's training session as she walked past. She was still distracted when she started tossing devices into the cardboard box she'd brought for the purpose, knowing nothing in the storage pile was dangerous. And she was definitely distracted when she grabbed U3578298 to put it in the box.

So Laura Cadman was to blame for the intensely bewildering predicament Ronon brought to Jennifer Keller that afternoon. Jennifer happened to be sitting in the area that served as her office, dwelling on the complete illogic that had left her in charge of two copulating erstwhile human bunny rabbits, as if this were in any way a _medical_ problem, when she caught sight of something even more disturbing: a frantic-looking Ronon entering the infirmary.

Well, frantic-looking for Ronon. Certainly nonplussed. And Jennifer can hardly blame him since, once she convinced him to let her examine him, it turned out what brought him in was the fact that, between one moment and the next, his penis had more than doubled in size and was now sheathed by a prepuce. Just like a horse.

Ancient Device U3578298 now sits on a shelf bearing only that label, but a much more helpful description would be "Thought Process Conceptualizer/Visualizer. CAUTION: Faulty handling of simile."


End file.
